Recent data shows that light beer sales will hit a 10-year low in 2015, another bleak milestone for this titanic beer category.
But even as the S.S. Lite Beer begins to nosedive after hitting an iceberg with interesting facial hair (obviously craft brewers bringing them down), the makers of Bud Light and Coors Light are busy fighting over how the deck chairs are arranged instead of giving their full attention to righting the ship.
According to Advertising Age, Bud Light’s parent company A-B InBev has blown the whistle on MillerCoors for claiming that Coors Light has “The World’s Most Refreshing Can.”
This is how they choose to spend their energy?
It all part of a moronic packaging arms race. First came Bud Light’s “vented can” featuring “a first-of-its-kind self contained venting tab that delivers the world’s smoothest drinking experience in a can.”
Not to be out-vented, MillerCoors fired back with their Coors Light double-vented wide mouth can, which they claimed created a “smoother, more refreshing pour,” making it “The World’s Most Refreshing Can.”
Instead of jumping right up to a quad-vent design, which surely would have made Bud Light the “smoothest, most refreshing, EASY DRINKIN’EST BEER IN THE WHOLE GODDAM UNIVERSE!!!,” A-B InBev decided the time was right to turn tail and tattle.
So they went to the National Advertising Division, a self-policing ad industry group that reviews adverting claims for truthfulness, and complained that Coors Light’s use of the tagline the “World’s Most Refreshing Can” was a bogus claim.
The NAD decided that the issue wasn’t worth addressing, but instead of shelving the matter, they passed the complaint on to the Federal Trade Commission. That’s right – the issue was too trivial for an industry council, so they passed it on to the federal government. Your tax dollars at work folks!
Almost a year later (and long after MillerCoors stopped claiming to have “The World’s Most Refreshing Can”), the FTC has finally weighed in on the dispute, saying, well, it isn’t worth weighing in on.
They recently sent MillerCoors a letter stating “we have determined not to recommend enforcement action at this time,” but reserved the right to do so in the future if Coors Light once again started making crazy claims about their cans.
So as the band plays on and Leonardo DiCaprio works to save his uptown girl from a watery grave, AB In-Bev and MillerCoors are rolling around on the deck in their tuxedo tails fighting over who has the right to claim that their beer can has the smoothest, most refreshing pour.
And to think just a few years ago, these two were perched on the bow of the boat, happily cruising along with their arms outstretched and shouting, “I’m the king of the world!!!
Those damn icebergs will get you every time.