Good news boys and girls, we can now add IKEA to the ranks of companies that have gotten into the beer business for no good reason.
The Swedish purveyor of impossible-to-assemble furniture has begun selling a its own branded beer in its UK stores. It’s called Öl Mörk Lager, an obvious homage to the classic TV show Mork & Mindy (or, if you speak Swedish, the literal translation of “dark lager beer”). Either way, I say na-noo, na-noo.
IKEA started selling the beer earlier this summer as a clear indication they understand how frustrating it is to build the furniture they sell, and that mild alcoholic sedation is required to finish the task without slitting your wrists with the metric hex tool that came with your order.
There are a few reviews of the beer up on UnTappd, where people are saying things like, “Ja, ik zag het gister, en dacht die moet mee naar huis. En hij in nog lekker ook, moet je maar eens proberen, ” and “Blij dat we het niet in elkaar hoeven te zetten. ;)” Someone also mentioned it tastes a bit like a watery bock. Another commenter said Öl Mörk Lager was “surprisingly good” given its furniture store pedigree.
No word yet on if this beer will be coming to the US, or if it will come packaged with its own barely-adequate opening tool.
If this trend continues, we’ll soon see Don’s dream come to life, and Petco will start selling Leg Lifter Lager. At this point, why not?
.
.
Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
If they sell it in their dining area, then I’m all for it. While the family shops for furniture to put in the basement for the child returning to the nest, you will need something to dull the pain. So, in that circumstance, how bad could it suck?
True, and it doesn’t sound like a bad beer anyway, just an average black lager. I’d grab one if I was there as well.
Now, I’m off for some Leg Lifter Lager while the pooch is being groomed…
Sorry, but at 4.7%, it ain’t gonna be dulling too much pain…
But 4.7 x 6 = 28.2. Divide that by three, and you’ve got a trio of Founders Double Trouble!
Hey, their food isn’t bad, and I always end up taking some lingonberry jam and frozen meatballs home with me. It’s not like they don’t have a history with selling food products. It would be interesting to see where this is contract brewed (I doubt they have their own facility). I’d be willing to try it.
I’d try it as well. And they deserve some credit for going the black lager route. It could’ve been something more ordinary for sure.
If it’s a success, maybe we’ll see a pickled herring and lingonberry sour, aged in particle board.
Or they can create a brewing area with all the supplies so you can do it yourself, and with a wordless series of pictures that do a barely-adequate job of guiding you through the steps.
Don’t forget potato sausage and rutamuss.
I had a buddy who worked for IKEA and he confirmed that, yeah, many of their names are Pig Swedish. Just add an umlaut and everything is fine in the land of ABBA.
I have a fair bit of IKEA stuff that I built badly, sometimes not at all, so a watery bock in a bottle that I can’t open (“Hold your Kapz bottle-opener at a 23-degree angle and insert the top of the bottle into Kapz slot A, then twist the bottle a distance equal to the magnetic declination at your longitude . DO NOT insert the bottom of the bottle into slot A. Never ever put anything into Kapz slot B!”) doesn’t hold much appeal.
To paraphrase “Fight Club,” this beer does not sound like a versatile solution for modern living.
I thought this was a hoax. But someone apparently wants to prove, that the average consumer’s tastes, truly knows a depth, which has no bounds.
This made sense to someone? Hey, we manufacture things which require additional amateur labor in order to end up as a piece of crap. Something that shouts to the world, that your very desire to live is totally overshadowed by your self-loathing, myopic eye for value and a palate that is so detuned, that your choice in beer is less thoughtful than your dog’s choice of a water source when his bowl runs dry.