What Beer Would You Sip During the Asteroid Apocalypse?

WHEW! Update: Looks like those nerds at NASA we’re telling it straight – this time! From Space.com: The asteroid 2005 YU55 came within 201,700 miles (324,600 kilometers) of Earth at 6:28 p.m. EST (2328 GMT) Tuesday evening before speeding off into deep space once again at about 29,000 mph (46,700 kph).

As you’ve probably heard, Asteroid  YU55 is supposed to give the Earth a close shave this afternoon, but we have nothing to worry about.  At least that’s what the experts are saying.  But what if they’re only trying to ease our fears and prevent crazy riots before the Asteroid Apocalypse is upon us?  Well, just in case, I’ve started to think about which beer I’d like to be sipping as the world gets sent back to the Neolithic period (look it up).

It would have to be something hearty with a nice kick to it.  After all, I’m actually kind of fond of the world we live in, and it’s going to be tough to watch it go.  Especially the Internet.  It’s not like I can blog on a cave wall.  I’ll need to be properly anesthetized.

Also, it would have to be expensive and/or rare in order to properly commemorate such a momentous occasion.  No off-the-shelf beverages will do to mark the end of civilization.  It’s time to dig deep into the cellar.

I’d also probably want something with an ABV of 12 or above to keep me warm as the dust from the impact blots out the sun and freezes the surface of the planet. Nuclear winters are the worst!

Add all this up, and I think I’d go for a 2009 Sam Adams Utopias.  It fits all the criteria quite well: It’s especially delicious, packs a wallop, is very rare, and shouldn’t be left for the squirrels – they’re totally in line to take over once we’re out of the way – they’re practically rats that can fly!  Anyway, screw the squirrels!

Now all I have to do is get some.  I wonder if eBay can get it to me by 6:28pm today…

That’s my pick, what about you?




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Categories: Beer, Lifestyle


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32 Comments on “What Beer Would You Sip During the Asteroid Apocalypse?”

  1. November 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    Utopias for sure. Although, I think I may not sip. I’d want to make sure I finished the bottle before the tsunamis/earthquakes/rodent wave over took me.

    • November 8, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

      I’d say “don’t guzzle until you can see the whites of their beady little eyes!” And then guzzle. Quickly!

  2. November 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    I would be all about theme: Hopocalypse. Or perhaps a more tenuously connected label, but infinitely better beer, Hop Slam. Yes. Hopslam.

    • November 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

      I think Hopslam would work – heck, they could create a special label of a giant hop slamming into the Earth!

  3. November 8, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    I think I’d have to crack open my Canadian Breakfast Stout. It’s really the most rare thing I’m holding onto at the moment, and I wouldn’t want to let it go to waste or anything.

    • November 8, 2011 at 1:38 pm #

      Yeah, why save ’em for the scavengers, right?

  4. Don
    November 8, 2011 at 1:28 pm #

    Id have to break open my bottle of Bourbon County Stout Rare! That isn’t going to the squirrels! Freakin’ flying rats!

    • November 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

      Those sneaky little twitchers could totally figure out how to use a bottle opener, so that’s a wise move!

  5. Mathew
    November 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm #

    The Abyss and La Fin Du Monde.

    • November 8, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

      Don’t think that La Fin du Monde didn’t occur to me when I was writing this. Nice choice!

  6. John King
    November 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    Wasn’t there a similar thread about what would you drink if the world ended? yada yada yada…

    I’d make Russian Imperial Stout milkshakes with Reese Cups and chocolate syrup.

    • Mathew
      November 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

      Thats such an awesome idea. I have had beer floats but I have never thought of beer milkshakes.

    • November 8, 2011 at 1:59 pm #

      I believe that was 5 beers for the zombie apocalypse which is a totally different set of factors! 🙂

      After all, you wouldn’t want the daywalkers dragging down your Resse-stuffed ass, wouldja?

  7. November 8, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

    if i were gonna start sippin’ on something while the big rock was headin’ for it’s intended target…i’d probably open up the bottle of Churchill’s Finest Hour that’s been sittin’ in my fridge for several months…

    • November 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

      Sounds appropriate for the occasion, MV!

  8. Michael
    November 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm #

    Can you actually get 2009 Utopia without breaking and entering?

    • November 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

      Yes, by pointing and clicking…

  9. November 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    I would choose the Cigar City/Mikkeller Nielsbohrium Rum barrel aged Imperial Raisin Sweet Stout. It not only has the longest name ever, but it was my favorite beer at the Pints for Prostates event this year. I went back for thirds! They had pitchers of Utopias there as well, but I think it paled in comparison.

    Niels Bohr also worked on the Manhattan project, so without him we wouldn’t have the option to nuke that asteroid before it destroys us.

    • November 8, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

      Unfortunately by the time you thought of that long name, the Earth would be in chunks. 😦

    • November 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

      I’d have to agree with Alex on the Cigar City Stout, although not the best beer I’ve ever had, definitely close to it and one that I’d still be able to get. Otherwise, my first choice would be the Breckenridge 20th Anniversary ESB aged in Stranahan’s barrels, which can’t be had for love or money anymore.

      I’m not big on the Utopias, I drink beer for the “beer” taste, and Utopias is too much like a distilled product.

      • November 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

        True – Utopias isn’t really a beer, just a grown-up beverage that literally made me tingle the first time I had it. I like the idea of tingling as the world goes up in smoke.

        That said, it pisses me off that we didn’t do GABF and hit the PFP Rare Beer tasting, so I could be pining for that Cigar beer along with you gents…

  10. Brendan
    November 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    I’d go for whisky instead. This would be the time for Johnnie Walker Blue Label – it’s overpriced but money has no value under the circumstances. Besides, watching the pretty crystal bottle blow up would be funny at the end.

    • November 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

      Yes…haha stupid bottle – you blew up. Wait, I’m holding you! I blew up too…Noooo!!!!

    • November 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm #

      Wise. Why waste the good stuff when you’re to panicked to taste it?

  11. November 8, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

    If the world is ending this evening, I’m going to open up my CBS, Pappy Dark Lord, and BA Yeti to do a quick side-by-side tasting and have some Willett Bourbon to mix it up. Cheers to an asteroid causing me to open my whales!

    • November 8, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

      Yes, but then there’ll be no one left to brag to about what you just did… 😦

  12. November 8, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    Hell; this is one time when I’d want to get snockered and wouldn’t have to worry about cost–fiscal or health–I’d have nothing to lose!

    I’d go down to my supplier with credit card in hand and buy one of every bomber they had in stock (they have lots!). Then I’d open each in turn, take a sip or two, then go on to the next one, until I passed out or the big rock got me, whichever came first. I’d also be stuffing my face with the fattiest, greasiest, tastiest foods I could find, and then I’d top it all off with a cupla pounds of Chocolate Twizzlers (my not so secret sin.)

  13. Jeff
    November 8, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

    Let’s see…four 120s…a Raison d’Extra…a Bitches Brew…a Life & Limb…a Victory Storm King…an Old Rasputin…a couple of Beer Geek Brunch Weasels…and this Victory Old Horizontal I’m sipping should do me in about proper.

  14. Kyle
    November 8, 2011 at 9:27 pm #

    To start, I think I’d have to alternate between sips of Founder’s Nemesis and my bottle of Highland Park 12yr. When the shizznit really hit the fan I’d probably light the bottle of 151 and start pouring what my Russian friend calls shots… 3 at a time.

  15. The Wookie
    November 15, 2011 at 8:21 am #

    Beer? If it’s the end of the world I am grabbing all my Scotch and Bourbon and moving into that bomb shelter that I know Don has built in his backyard.

    If it has to be beer I am going with Terrapin Rye Squared or Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye. Gotta go out with a beer with some bite in my belly.


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