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Apparently the D.C. Earthquake Wasn’t as Bad as Earthquake High Gravity Lager

I know folks up and down the east coast are all shook up about the 5.9 magnitude earthquake we had today.  I could feel it in my basement office here in New Jersey, although as my chair swayed I just assumed I was having some sort of mini-stroke.  I am 40 now after all.

I started Googling right after I figured out it was a seismic event, not a neurological one.  Like always, beer somehow managed to wiggle itself into the mix and I wound up discovering Earthquake High Gravity Lager.  While natural disasters are bad, it looks like this man-made one might be even worse. 

Nature’s latest earthquake did no real damage, but the same cannot be said for Earthquake High Gravity Lager, which packs an ABV of 12% and the promise of a throbbing head in the morning.  It’s made by the same folks who brought us Four Loko (or “date rape in a can” as the kids call it) so you know it’s a high-quality product with its heart in the right place. 😦

To be clear, I haven’t personally sampled Earthquake High Gravity Lager, the same way I’ve never had my teeth kicked in or someone steal my shoes as I slept under a bridge. While common sense says stay away from hooligans and hobos, the folks over at Rate Beer say stay away from Earthquake.

A fella called BlackIPA says, “Wow. If you are drinking this beer, you have officially hit rock bottom. Nothing here but sugar and alcohol. Tastes like apple juice mixed with vodka.”  And uvajed sums it up nicely with ” Most malt liquors are bad, but this foul concoction is perhaps the least palatable iteration of beer yet brewed.”  So there you have it.

If we’re going to learn anything from this latest flexing of Mother Nature’s muscles, it’s to always evacuate the building first and ask questions later, and always *always* avoid malt liquors packaged in silver cans with scratchy writing on the label.

I’m glad to see some good come out of this.  🙂

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Categories: Beer

Author:Jim

Craft beer nerd, frequent beer blogger and occasional home brewer.

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15 Comments on “Apparently the D.C. Earthquake Wasn’t as Bad as Earthquake High Gravity Lager”

  1. Jeff W
    August 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    You know, considering the likely target market, they may just use the RateBeer.com slam as their new slogan.

    • August 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

      You may be on to something. The Facebook fan page description says “When people says it tastes like shit, then when you taste it, you go, “It doesn’t taste that bad”

  2. August 23, 2011 at 3:16 pm #

    I live near the epicenter, so at least I won’t have to explain anymore where that is: “Oh, Charlottesville, isn’t that where they had the earthquake, and didn’t some guy named Jefferson live there?” I set the land speed record for evacuating the building, and I’m older than you. I could really use a beer after that, but I guess it better not be an Earthquake Lager. On a really positive note, the best beer place in town is offering earthquake relief in the form of $1 off all pints. Sweeeeeeet. . . . .

    • August 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm #

      Sounds like my kind of recovery effort!

    • August 23, 2011 at 4:50 pm #

      I’m glad this didn’t happen while my granddaughter was still at JMU–MD was close enough thank you! I haven’t felt a tremor like that since I was thrown out of my rack in the barracks at Torii Station, Okinawa. That was all the way back in 1967!

      • August 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

        It’s a little unsettling when they happen where they’re not supposed to!

  3. August 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

    Just like in the craft beer world, the East coast is copying Colorado again; we had a 5.3 in southern Colorado last night. 😉 (seriously, I hope no one was badly hurt in either location)

    • August 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

      It all starts out West, don’t it? 🙂

  4. August 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    Oh the humanity.

    Was the horror anything like what these poor souls went through?

    http://morningglory2.wordpress.com/2007/07/26/crowds-panic-as-flood-threatens-ireland/

    • August 23, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

      Nothing like that. we’re Eastern Americans, so I’m sure stores up and down the coast are out of eggs, bread, milk and potato chips. Everybody panic!!!

  5. August 23, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    totally just saw this beer about a week ago in a liquor store. Under the “EARTHQUAKE” moniker reads the words “Ghetto Beer”. And for $1.60 for a 24oz can of 12% ABV beer, I have never seen a more exploitative product. The “people” who “brew” this “beer” should be ashamed of themselves

    • August 23, 2011 at 5:34 pm #

      If they had any shame it sure didn’t stop them from making Four Loko…

  6. August 23, 2011 at 6:17 pm #

    We were evacuated from our building for about 30 mins. I did “rush” home to personally inspect every bottle in the bunker. No damage to report……

    • August 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm #

      Thank goodness everyone (Sam, Dale, Fegley, Gordon) was okay!

      • August 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

        And let’s not forget my Old Grand Dad, Pappy Van Winkle and George T. Stagg.

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