Well, Russian River has topped the charts again. This time the honor goes to Pliny the Elder, which has been named the best beer of 2011 by the folks over at the American Homebrewers Association. Instead of soaking in the moment and resting on their laurels, we here at B&WB encourage Vinnie and the gang to take it the next level with some new, groundbreaking beers.
Here’s what we suggest:
Pliny the Middle Child – Often overlooked, the middle child is always working hard to get the attention that is enjoyed by their trailblazing older sibling and the youngest one (in curls). The Pliny Middle Child would be something in-between The Elder and The Younger, except no one would remember its name and it would often be heard whining “Elder, Elder, Elder!” when its prettier, more robust sibling gets all the limelight.
Emancipation Proclamation – This brew would steal a page from Honest Abe Lincoln and grant freedom to those shackled by the bonds of Budweiser, Miller and Coors. It would be the ultimate gateway beer – one that eloquently declares a new birth of freedom from deeply average beers.
Mastication – We’ve all had beers that can be described as having a “chewy” mouthfeel, but now it’s time to go all the way and create something that lies between an Old Gubbillygotch and a Brubar. That’s right – a brew you can chew! A beer that eats like a meal!
Constipation – Sure on its surface this one sounds gross, but imagine a beer so packed with goodness that it can’t be poured out of the bottle. There it would sit, locked into place by its own greatness, the only way to break it free being a Little White Enema!
Beer Muscles – Take Beer Esteem, Russian River’s California common and add a tuarine, guarana, ginsing, caffeine and heaping helping of vitamin B and you get Beer Muscles, the ultimate brew to prepare you for a night of bad decision making and a black and blue morning after.
We hope you’re listening, Russian River, and we hope you’re inspired. You can thank us later when beer geeks around the country are clamoring to get a pristine case of Constipation. 🙂
Anyone else have any suggestions? Let us know below!