I just posted about how Walgreens is custom-brewing their own beer.
It’s a “premium” lager called Big Flats 1901, and the tagline is “It’s the Water That Makes It.” We’ve been poking a little fun in the comments, and our pal Alex said we should all start playing with the tag line. But why stop there?
So I’m inviting everyone to come up with what they think other mega-stores might name their custom brand of beer, and what the tag line might be. Heck, you can even come up with what style of beer they’d sell.
Here’s an example I’ve come up with:
Store: Wal*Mart
Beer Name: Whiskey-Tango Desperation Dopplebock
Tagline: After a Few of These, You’ll Forget Where You Got ‘Em!”
You get the idea, now try you’re own – have fun (and be snarky!)
.
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Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
Autozone 5W30 Full Synthetic Amber Ale
Smooth your idle and flush your system. Uses only the finest lab created beer flavor compounds and sold in convenient quart size containers.
Nice!
I’ve had a beer that’s flushed my system before, but probably not like this puppy would!
OK, since you mentioned me, here goes:
Store: Home Depot
Beer name: Homer’s Big Orange Bucket o’ Bock Beer (sold in one of these: http://bit.ly/dTEPKb)
Tagline: “Dulls the pain when you mitre-saw your fingers!”
Wait a minute – I use one of those to brew!
Toys R Us Geoffrey’s Lament Lager
Brewed with 100% pure children’s tears from the finest whiny children denied the latest toy craze. Sold in 8oz juice boxes and growler fills are available at the customer service desk.
When you have to listen to kids whine for toys all day you need something to take the edge off.
The only thing that’d be better would be beer brewed with unicorn tears!
Store: Hustler Hollywood
Beer Name: Cherry Pop Sour Ale
Tagline: “Pop that cherry and release the passion fruit bouquet!”
Sorry. I couldn’t resist. I actually scrapped a few raunchier ideas. It’s late. I should go to bed.
Right to the gutter – love it!
Store: Piggly Wiggly
Beer Name: Wee Heavy Chitlin Ale
Tag Line: I wanna drink those Chitlins!
Awesome Greg!
Store: Costco
Beer Name: Muffin Top Pale Ale
Tag Line: Pick up your 480 pack today!
Size matters!
Store: Petco
Beer: Leg Lifter Lager
Tag Line…No, really its beer.
I love how folks are going right off the beaten path here. And Leg Lifter Lager is awesome, BTW.
Store: McDonalds
Beer: Chicken Nugget Nectar
Tag Line: McBeer Me!
🙂
Store: US Fish and Wildlife Service
Beer: Salmon Milt Saison
Tag Line: It’s in the Water.
Or “From our fishes’ butts to your lips!”
I think you mean salmon MILT
Good catch Evan. Fixed it.
Store: Sears
Beer: Craftsman Double Whiskey Barrel 120-Minute Chocolate Milk Stout Reserve
Tag Line: It’s open season on craftsman beer. Lifetime warranty on all Craftsman beers.
I like the idea of a “double barrel stout” with whiskey and sherry aging…I know it’s a joke, but you’ve made me thirsty, Tex!
Glad to oblige… I’m thirsty too. And you know, there is some kernel of truth in all jokes.
Store: Super 8
Beer: 8 Ball
Tag Line: Hit me with a 40!
Surely that wouldn’t be the first 8 ball sold in a Super 8!
Store: US Fish and Wildlife Service
Beer: Salmon Milt Stout
Tag Line: That’s right Bitches…We own Hatcheries!
Enough with the fish! It’s almost like you’re working a hatchery or something. 😉
Store: Idaho Fish and Game
Beer: Bearpoop Barleywine
Tag Line: Yeah…You want to make this one during Berry season!
Store: The NFL
Beer: Coors Light
Tag Line: Nothing to see here…Move along.
Store: Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Beer: Oatmeal Soap Stout
Tag Line: Wash your mouth out with this!
Apple: iBeer
The beer that will change the future!
(two weeks later)
wait we need to release a new model.. okay, now THIS is the real future! Upgrade today!
We are excited to announce our most groundbreaking vision to date!
iBeer 3.0!
Due to our sparse aesthetic, the can is empty.
http://www.beerknurd.com/images/products/thumbnail_blueibeerman
Store: Amazon.com
Beer Name: Hop-polyte IPA
Tag Line: Yes, we use obscure literary references normal people would not get but we could not think of another “hop” pun.
🙂
What about the “Brewdle” electronic beer? It can hold up to 1500 digital beers, which means you no longer have to drag your cooler around with you!
That was my next one… Beerdle. LOL