Tall, Dark, and Boring!

Jimmy_Smits_20070921bThere he is!  Its Jimmy Smits.  Its got to be, it looks just like him.  I’m in Vegas at a conference, there is a commotion over by the convention center, and there he is, tall, dark, by my wife’s account handsome…Its got to be him.  She would kill me if I saw Jimmy Smits and didn’t ask him for his autograph.  So I make my way over to the entryway to the convention center to introduce myself like gawkers always do.  As I approach the entry way I notice a sign that says “Welcome American Institute of Insurance Executives”.  Strange, why is Jimmy Smits at an insurance seminar?  No matter I make my way over to him and introduce myself.  Man is my wife going to live vicariously through my connection with the NYPD Blue star!  He says “hi Don nice to meet you, my name is John Smith and I sell insurance in Burlington, Iowa”.  Well that is what I felt like when I drank Newcastle Nut Brown Ale…

Van Winkles 001Its look writes a check its flavor refuses to cash!  It poured medium colored brown with a creamy head.  So far so good.  It didn’t have a very big nose, but what I could detect was malt and grains.  Good there too.  Then I took a sip and that is where the good times stopped.  Some of you will recall that I was looking for something rich, warm and complex.  This had none of that.  It was just a malt bomb.  That is literally all I could detect from the flavor was a lot of barley malt with a sweet flavor, but no complexity.  The mouth feel was watery and uninspired.  There was no there, there. I kept thinking there was more to this brew that I was missing, so i let it warm up a bit, and still all malt.  It says Serve Cold on the bottle…yeah because it tastes like crap otherwise.

I’m a hop lover, but from time to time I can appreciate a malty brew as long as there is something inspired in the flavor.  Don’t look to Newcastle Nut Brow Ale for any of that inspiration.  This is the Pabst of English brews.

Avoid it!  I am currently in Small town Idaho and I went to the local grocery store to see if they had anything interesting.  This and Guiness Stout was all they could do for me.  I passed on both.  I recommend you do too.

-Don

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5 Comments on “Tall, Dark, and Boring!”

  1. October 13, 2009 at 3:13 pm #

    You guys crack me up! What is a great intro into this brew. I’ll be honest, there is something I like about Newcastle…I think it may be comprised mainly of nostalgia…this is one of those beers that lured me away from Bud back in college, but it has been ages since I’ve tried it again. Who knows? I may share your sentiments.

    Anyway, I’m still laughing at your insurance salesman encounter metaphor.

    • Don
      October 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm #

      Glad you liked it Nate. It was fun to write. This is definitely a sheep in wolf’s clothing. I thought it just didn’t live up to the look. You should try it again since you have had so many more great beers. I’m sure you would share my sentiments!

  2. October 15, 2009 at 1:12 am #

    I agree w/ Nate, good memories because back then it couldn’t get much worse! I found Newkie Brown to be pretty bad, semi-skunky and, well, just bad.

    • Don
      October 15, 2009 at 1:21 am #

      It is just bad stuff. I read with interest the story you posted on twitter about Newcastle, and it seems like quality may decline as corporate tries to consolidate to two breweries.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Newcastle Cans to the Rescue! « Beer & Whiskey Brothers Blog - May 12, 2011

    […] You can find my entire review here.  However, seeing this beer in a can gave me a hope that it might be better than I remembered without all the UV rays and florescent lights doing their bad work on the brew.  I figured at the very least the beer would taste like the brewer intended it to taste.  So in the name of science I spent the $1.79 and purchased said can.  Was it any better?… […]

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