.
I’ll admit it – my excitement over tonight’s premiere of the the SyFy Channel’s original film Sharknado is probably a little out of proportion with the quality of the film itself. I don’t know why, but this schlockfest about killer sharks thrown into peoples lives by a hurricane has me absolutely brimming with excitement.
The tag line really says it all: Sharks. Tornado. Sharknado! And then there’s the cast: Tara Reid, Ian Ziering, John Heard, and dozens of other people you’ve probably never heard of. Oh the glamor! It’s like Scared Straight for actors with demons, a cautionary tale for young Hollywood talent.
I’m declaring martial law in my house tonight and commanding the whole family to hunker down and watch this epic tale of a seaside town terrorized by flying man eaters. The only question is which beer to enjoy while watching this masterpiece?
Let’s reason it out together, shall we?Â
First off, it can’t be anything too fancy. This isn’t the occasion to break out a bottle of Firestone Walker Parabola or dip into the Sam Adams Utopias. We need to aim a bit lower, but not Landshark Lager low (even if it’s a thematic slam dunk).
Secondly, this is a campy film, with a certain novelty as being lowbrow fun. That makes me think of canned craft beers like Dale’s Pale Ale, which I mostly started drinking for the novelty of cracking open a can, and continued to enjoy because it’s damn good beer.
So something in a can for sure. But I’ll go one further – this is certainly an over-the-top film (the trailer shows scenes of Ian Ziering thrusting a chainsaw into the air at a falling maneater, and slicing the beast hilariously in half), so it calls for an over-the-top vessel – a tallboy.
Now before we start screaming for Heady Topper, remember that this is a cheesy film – save the Heady for high camp, like a Wes Anderson film.
Okay, so a tallboy of not-too-special beer.
As this film is clearly filled with ironic self-referential humor, it’s something the hipsters will love, just like Brooklyn, home of fixies, chunky glasses, and geeky looking dudes with sleeves of tattoos running up and down their arms. So let’s go with a Brooklyn brewery, one that offers their wares in tallboy cans.
I’m going to go with Sixpoint, who get extra hipster credit for brewing a “wheatball” ale exclusively for a meatball shop – how AUTHENTIC are meatball shops?!
I think my pick here will be their Righteous Ale, both because it has a…uh…righteous name (just like Sharknado), and it’s brewed with rye, and I’m hoping Sharknado has been created with a wry sense of campy humor.
It all makes perfect sense to me.
So that’s my pick – what’s yours?.
.
Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
I agree with the can assessment. Novelty + practicality + low brow just oozes SyFy channel.
I’ll go with Heavy Seas Loose CANon. Local, hoppy, tangentially related to the ocean and thus sharks and sharknadoes.
That’s a solid pick right there – well done!
I agree with Oliver, though I have bottles rather than the canned version.
I almost spit out my water when I saw this headline.
I’m soooo unreasonably pumped for this movie, John. I have no idea why, but I expect it to be pure sugary cinemagic!!
Can’t wait….it will be the next great B movie.
Agreed! The best part is I didn’t really hear about it until today. It’s like waking up one morning and finding out it’s Christmas!!
I saw an interview with the screenwriter. It was, predictably, hilarious.
http://io9.com/we-asked-the-writer-of-sharknado-some-very-serious-ques-736131336
Easy: Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA, TWO of ’em. I need to be drunk enough to sit through this absurdity. And what’s boozier and more absurd than 120?
Damn, you just made me realize that I should have gone with one of those stoopid BrewDog beers like Tactical Nuclear Penguin. Boozy, poorly crafted, and with no real need to exist, except to garner attention. A perfect marriage!
Yeah, that’s a better choice.
You have got to be kidding. All of Sifis’ movies have the same plot, the same bad acting, the same disappointment for a die-hard scifi fan. They could have mace a series based on Asimov’s Robot series–at very little cost I might add–but noooo…
You’re missing the point here, Wayne – FLYING SHARKS!! 🙂
Bad movie, so I’ll pick bad beer. Stag. 24 pack, paired with Military Special bourbon.
Just kidding, I’ll just have Moonstruck Show Mead instead.
I would go with SN Torpedo. Might be the only thing to save your life.
Ha – love it!
Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter. If I’m going to die in a sharknado, I’m going out shooting like Hunter S. Thompson and hella buzzed on some good beer with 9.2% ABV.
A gonzo movie deserves a Gonzo beer…
This flick has PBR written all over it…
Something I resisted mentioning in the hipster paragraph, but was certainly thinking!
How did I miss this earlier???
Just so happens I went pool-friendly (i.e. canned) craft beer shopping exatly 2 hours and 26 minutes ago (well, by the time i stop connecting letter it’ll have been 2:31). Let’s see….
SN Torpedo
Sly Fox Grisette
Sixpoint 3 Beans
Manyunk Punch
Manyunk Summer
Given your parameters I think I have to go with the Torpedo. In fact, they’d be the most appropriate defensive craft beer weapon immediately hand in the even one of those hammerheads manages to wander off the movie shoot and end up on our porch (would probably only be one of the extras but still)
Cheers!
I wound up enjoying a Torpedo as well last night, as I didn’t have time to make it to the store with a Sixpoint stash. Still, it felt thematically right!
I’m a day late and a Sharknado short, but I suppose you couldn’t go wrong with a Ballast Point brew for a rerun. Sculpin is always a good choice, but the Wahoo wheat beer sounds ideal for this kind of special viewing.
‘Sharknado’ is destined to be a horror classic in the realm of contracted titles. Like the film where runaway science produces a creature which is half man, and half ant; called MANT! The very level of kitsch in the plot premise is deserving of a viewing with an apropos beer.
I would want something which pays homage to the science element, and that would require a beer brewed in Tornado Alley. Kansas would be a good choice since it is featured prominently in the malevolent weather list, AND has experienced exactly ZERO shark attacks since 1934. I’m all about science and accuracy.
There is also a need to acknowledge the sharks with some reference to a bloody stump or Bobby Darin.
Fiction should be represented since this is a tale about something which hasn’t happened……yet.
So my choice for this fish noir would be – ‘Flying Monkey, Four Finger Stout’ with a nice bite at 4.8%.
I missed the movie, but what about a Flying Fish beer? It’s even local for you, Jim. Perhaps the Big Fish Barleywine for your encore viewing!
Hi Jim, Lava – of course . So long as the shark is fermented as pertains to the Icelandic delicacy (not). Know this is old news – but we have some new news to share about the upcoming Coast to Coast Toast™. Simply the largest one day celebration of specialty beer in the USA. An inordinate number of places will be featuring Scaldis Prestige – thanks to you. Can we talk? Would you be interested in a story about this. The date is Nov 14. Likely there will be in excess of 600 hosts. Also a free trip to Europe in the offing. All best, Wendy 607-287-3419
PS How did you like the movie?
A more adequate name for the movie would have been shitnado, but then it would have been confused with the rest of syfy’s low brow lineup. And much like the rest of their current lineup, forget any alcoholic beverage to numb the pain, at the bare minimum you’d need a medically induced coma to make it to the end.