Mad Love for Bad Beer: Fun with Online Reviews

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so our pal John over at TDYLF (an awesome movie and TV blog) should be blushing right about now.

John has created a series of posts where he takes funny and bizarre user reviews from Netflix and features them on his site.  It’s an easy way to make a quick post, and it’s always worthwhile to see a refreshing point of view (even if the person holding it might be criminally insane).

The last time John posted one of these, a light bulb went off in my head – I should steal the idea!  John has lifted ideas from us in the past (giving copious credit where it was due) so I figured turnabout is totally fair play.  Our buddy G-LO from Booze Dancing had the same idea, and just created his own user-review powered post.

Here’s my homage to John; people saying great things about brews that most beer geeks would take a pass on.  For our first installment, it’s mad love for the King of Beers.  I’ll be honest;  they make it sound pretty tasty!

From BeerAdvocate (bolded text added by yours truly for emphasis):

Morger look: 4.5 | smell: 4 | taste: 5 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

Pale yellow color with snow white foam. Exceptional clarity. Subtle aromatic hop aroma with clean esters and faint banana. Mouthfeel is light, crisp, and refreshing. Outstanding clean finish which easily leads to another sip. Probably the most consistent, refreshing and drinkable beer on the planet.

FootballFan15 look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 4 | feel: 4.5 | overall: 4.5

A lot of people say to me, “Come now FootballFan15, your favorite beer is Budweiser, how can your opinion be valid?” Well, the truth is that while Budweiser is a very good lager, I Can’t claim it to be my favorite or say that it doesn’t have any imperfections.

Initial impressions of this beer are always positive, despite its reputation, and I think that is with good reason. When poured from its very-well designed can (or bottle…if that is your thing…) it makes an impressive fizzy display in a glass or mug and has an attractive head. Anheuser-Busch is to be commended for brewing such an attractive beer.

The taste, admittedly, is where the problem is found (if, indeed, there is a problem with Budweiser). I find the flavor of Budweiser to be a bit strong, particularly compared to its superior sister brew, Bud Light. Still, Budweiser is not a beer I would turn my nose up at ever. If anything, perhaps the flavor is TO GOOD. Once Budweiser assaults my palette with its own irresistible charm, I find that it dilutes the flavor of foods that I enjoy with Bud Light such as hot dogs, chili cheese fries, and cheddar and sour cream ruffles.

Due to its affect on your palette, I recommend reserving this beer for times when you’re specifically only going to be enjoying beer (without food) or after a meal has been consumed. Bud Light may be the superior beverage to consume with food but Budweiser is a delicious treat all on its own. I enthusiastically recommend this beer to all of my friends and suggest it here too. Despite its faults, after just one sip, you’ll see why Budweiser is America’s premier beer.

jaialainut look: 5 | smell: 5 | taste: 5 | feel: 5 | overall: 5

the title of king of beers says it all, sure its massed produced and thats because of its popuarity.
very tasty and refreshing beer that i can find at any great sporting events.
beer snobs of the world have a negative opinion, but where ever you go you will see this great tasting beer being sold and thats the bottom line.

Shefus  look: 3 | smell: 4 | taste: 4 | feel: 5 | overall: 5

Its called the king of beers for a reason, its tasty, feels great, goes down easy. Its like the perfect bonfire beer, pound some of these get nice and sloppy, and play some beer pong, then make some bad decisions. then wake up and start again.

BUT ENJOY RESPONSIBLY, I AM NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR BAD DECISIONS.

drjones633 look: 4.5 | smell: 3 | taste: 4.5 | feel: 4 | overall: 4.5

Served out of a 12oz bottle.

A clean golden color.

Smell is small, hints of fruit.

Taste is crisp and refreshing. slight malt and rice flavour

Mouthfeel is watery, but this is good if you are thirsty.

I think as americans we forget our roots.
Prohibition killed off all the small breweries that couldn’t make other products to stay afloat, also 3 years before prohibition was repealed the Great Depression hit, beer had to be made cheaply. The Milwaukee breweries and Budweiser kept beer brewing alive in the USA through the great depression.
What was born was a new beer, created out of need. And although its not “great beer” its apart of our history and I appreciate it for what it is.

So to all of those people giving Bud 1’s ans 2’s I want to remind you, when examining beers we should keep in mind the style we are tasting. Sure Bud isn’t as flavorful as a IPA or a Lambic, but its not trying to be either. Its a perfect example of its style.

I love my Franziskaner. I love my Dog Fish Head. And I love my Buweiser.
Please dont be a beer snob, be a beer lover!

.

Dr. Jones’ last line, “don’t be a beer snob, be a beer lover!” might deserve a little consideration here.  After all, “bottle a’ Bud” was my wife’s go-to bar drink when we were first dating, and those beers tasted pretty good (at least when mixed with all the hormones coursing through my veins).

Do I buy Bud now?  No.  Honestly, I fear what Budweiser and their macro pals might do to the craft beer movement in the future, and I don’t want to give them my support.

But that’s my opinion, and these fine people are certainly entitled to their own.  Buy what you like, but as Shefus so eloquently put it, “I AM NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR BAD DECISIONS.”  Whatever those decision may be.

.

.

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Categories: Beer, review

Author:Jim

Craft beer nerd, frequent beer blogger and occasional home brewer.

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35 Comments on “Mad Love for Bad Beer: Fun with Online Reviews”

  1. Rachel
    October 25, 2012 at 10:57 am #

    This is pretty hilarious. I didn’t expect the seriousness of the reviews, and definitely not the extensive tasting notes. Great post!

    • October 25, 2012 at 11:33 am #

      Yeah, that first one makes me want to (almost) go out and buy a sixer! Mmm…faint banana! 🙂

  2. October 25, 2012 at 10:58 am #

    Even worse is when people take a great beer, and review it as bad. I accept that people dont like all styles, but when someone says “I cant get into pilsners” in the post, goes on to describe it as “Clear yellow and grassy and a fluffy head on this one” (which is about how it should be descibed), then gives it a 2. That drives me nuts.

    here are two examples that I posted about:
    http://abeerinhand.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-dont-know-why-some-people-post.html
    http://abeerinhand.blogspot.com/2011/10/bad-beer-reviews-ithaca-cascazilla.html

    Cheers!

  3. October 25, 2012 at 10:58 am #

    I still need to do that Shit Beer Shootout.

    • October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am #

      So little to work with, though. It’s a tough shootout to do. How many times can you rephrase “watery piss”?

  4. October 25, 2012 at 11:09 am #

    I don’t think the dislike of Bud of beer snobbery. It’s just common sense.

    • October 25, 2012 at 11:34 am #

      Agreed, but to each their own (that’s where the snobbery comes in – assuming you know better than the guys whose buying what he likes).

  5. October 25, 2012 at 11:13 am #

    Nicely done Jim! I like how we went different ways with the same idea. And I agree with your closing thoughts. Drink what you like, just don’t expect me to drink it too.

    Cheers!
    G-LO

    • October 25, 2012 at 11:35 am #

      Thanks, G-LO. Great minds think (mostly) alike!

      • October 25, 2012 at 11:43 am #

        You forgot to add “and drink” alike. 😉

  6. October 25, 2012 at 11:22 am #

    I suspect some of those user reviews aren’t REALLY users…know what I mean?

    • October 25, 2012 at 11:36 am #

      Yeah, I tried to dance around the obvious shill ones, looking for reviews that were either earnest (like the first one) or a little fratty (like the “bad decisions” one).

  7. October 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

    I don’t think they’re necessarily PAID shills, but I bet at least a few of those are InBev employees. Their positive comments sound way too much like garbled marketing crap. Then again, maybe they’re people who are just really susceptible to advertising.

    The last guy at least sounds earnest, just someone with different tastes. That I can accept.

  8. October 25, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    Ok, is no one noticing the grammar error here? It should read “If anything perhaps the flavor is TOO GOOD.”

    • October 25, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

      Noticed, but what can a humble report do?

      • October 25, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

        I assumed “too” vs. “to” was why it was called out in your article header.

        • October 25, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

          That and the fact that it was so over the top favorable…

    • October 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

      Wasn’t that the point?

      • October 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

        Perhaps I took it too literally…

        • Don
          November 1, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

          don’t you mean “to literally”? 😉

        • November 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm #

          Don, If I wanted to take it to seriously, I would be going some place. However, I felt I might have been extreme in my viewpoint, as in too much. Or you are simply pretending not to get what I meant and feel the need to prod me too much. Do we really need to get into wonky grammar discussions on a beer blog?

        • November 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm #

          This is why we miss you, Don.

  9. craigt126
    October 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm #

    With the exception of the first and last reviews, I read them all as tongue in cheek and quite funny. The last review seems to be thought out and honest. I don’t drink Bud, not because of any principled stand, but because it doesn’t taste good. I do drink other macros on occasion (generally occasions when someone else is picking up the tab) that I find more palatable.

    Not to get too serious about such a fun post, but….I’m sure the sarcasm of the reviews was directed at Budweiser, but it could just as easily be directed at the average reviewer on Beer Advocate, who seems to think any beer under 7%ABV and 60 IBU can’t possibly be a world class beer, and who will often give 4s and 5s across the board to mediocre hop bombs. In previous posts you have talked about being let down by over-hyped beers, and I wonder if at least one of the Bud reviewers might have been taking a shot at their fellow Beer Advocates for contributing to the hype of certain beers which are crazily over-rated (my own bias, of course, contirbuting to that judgement). Probably not, but it makes me smile to think it might be true.

    • October 25, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

      I think all of these reviews were serious, Craig. But that didn’t make them any less entertaining…

  10. Alex Bernardo
    October 25, 2012 at 1:24 pm #

    FootballFan15 sounds a little tongue-and-cheek. Perhaps a little ‘to’ tongue and cheek. I think he may need to play some sarcastiball.

    • October 25, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

      I dunno, he seems to have really thought out those Bud Light food pairings… 🙂

  11. October 25, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    I still prefer PBR to Bud, but honestly, there’s only so much you can do with the Light American Pilsner category. They’re all going to taste about the same with varying degrees of awfulness, and they’re all going to be void of any heft in flavor. Light American Lager is wide open, however.

  12. October 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

    To each his or her own. I’ll stick with beers that are based primarily on barley, have body and a definitive taste and don’t look like they already gone through somebody’s kidneys.

  13. October 25, 2012 at 7:33 pm #

    If I only had a dollar for every time I heard “A lot of people say to me, ‘Come now FootballFan15’…”.

    I do appreciate the last guy’s point about about being a beer lover. There’s something to be said for emphasizing what you LIKE about something and turning someone else on to it. The opposite- taking a dump on a beer and convincing someone else to avoid it- just doesn’t seem right.

  14. \
    October 25, 2012 at 8:44 pm #

    I won’t buy this swill not because it’s bad, but because of their business practices. There is a concert venue in Indianapolis that used to sell a local award winning brewery Sun King along side bud/miller/coors all that crap.Long story short the local craft beer sold better than the macros and they told the venue if you want out beer to be distributed to your venue then get rid of the local stuff. I HATE when a big corporation can come into a local market and tell some one a local company can’t have a part in the business.

  15. October 25, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    Haha I really hope those reviews aren’t serious. Budweiser having too much flavor? Damn…………….

  16. October 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm #

    Hmm… I might have to try one of these mysterious ‘Budweiser’ beers.

    • October 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

      I’m sure these rare gems will be all the rage with hipsters in a few years.

      • Alex Bernardo
        October 27, 2012 at 7:13 am #

        I dont know, Bud is the quintessential hillbilly staple. I would be very surprised if my fellow Kentucky residents would allow the hipsters to take that from them…

  17. November 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

    I always pronounce it very weirdly in my mind when people write “Dog Fish Head”.

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