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What Would Signify Beermageddon?

Well May 21st has come and gone on all corners of the globe now, and SURPRISE! Nothing happened.  Yes, someone had many people fooled into thinking that the end was near, and the Rapture would begin.  Guess what, he was WRONG.  Now I know you are just about as surprised as I was when May 22nd rolled around and the world was completely the same.  But I began to think about scenarios that would signify that we were in the end times.  Maybe if Donald Trump and Oprah had a love child, or if Snookie got a law degree.

How about in the Beer world?  Well for a few perhaps Beermageddon is upon us with the AB InBev take over of Goose Island, that is an obvious one, but I really don’t think that is a sign of the end.   I think that was a couple of guys that got beaten up with a giant sack of money, and they took it and ran.  Can’t say as I blame them, but it does put them in the category of people that built something great and then destroyed it to make a buck.  It would be like if Virginia McCaskey decided to move the Chicago Bears to Milwaukee for a great stadium deal…

So what about the Beer world?  What would be a sign of Beermageddon?  Here are a few I’ve come up with:

  • Sam Calgione producing a collaboration brew with Miller/Coors,
  • Brewery Ommegang decides to make a straight up IPA,
  • Oskar Blues decides that they were wrong all along and begins to bottle their beer,
  • Stone Brewing’s Greg Kochs’ Face freezes and gives him permanent Greg Face,
  • New Belgium announces they are making an 18 pack of Ranger IPA cans and selling them for $9.99,
  • New Glarus  partners to gain access to Budweiser’s distribution network and exports to Idaho,
  • 21st Amendment moves production of Monk’s Blood to Tibet,
    And the number one sign that  Beermageddon is upon us–
  • The Beer and Whiskey Brother’s get their own TV Show!
What are some of the signs you would consider to be a foreshadowing of the end times?  Let us know in the comments.
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56 Comments on “What Would Signify Beermageddon?”

  1. May 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm #

    -The West Coast goes malt-forward
    -Texas relaxes it’s label laws
    -Garrett Oliver hosts a beer dinner at McDonald’s

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm #

      Awesome Micheal! I love the West Coast goes Malt Forward sign. Perfect!

  2. Bill
    May 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm #

    It happened when Miller bought Leinenkugel. I was paying $11 for a case of original lager, loose case/returnables. Now it’s $20 for cheap, thin, non-returnable bottles. And I don’t think the Red or Creamy Dark are as good as they used to be.

    • johnking82
      May 24, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

      my aunt knew I liked good beer so she got me two six packs for Christmas. I still have them. Ebay?

    • The Wookie
      May 24, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

      The regular Lienie’s brews have definitely dropped off but you need to track down their Big Eddy Russian Imperial Stout …. it is a fine beer!

      • Bill
        May 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

        I will look for it. I have never seen it around here. Thanks.

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

      Well Bill, perhaps I asked the wrong question. Perhaps I should have asked what signs are already out there?

  3. johnking82
    May 24, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    If McCaskey ever took the Bears anywhere (although they could easily in their spaceship stadium), I would disown them.

    -Founders introduces Vortex bottles to help the beer get down the throat faster
    -Busch gears a beer today the female crowd and names it “Bush”, feminists everywhere wince in horror.
    -This blog gets funnier.
    – Good bourbon is made in Tennessee

    • May 24, 2011 at 1:21 pm #

      There’s little chance of any of those happening, John – especially the third one!

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

      Good ones John. Lets hope we can make that third one happen. Not sure I can pump up the funny any more out of Jim tho, because he is obviously the weak link. 😉

  4. May 24, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

    I don’t know how I can top what’s been said so far. Oh, nice work with the Microsoft Paint.

    -Budweiser announces a new barrel aging program.
    -It’s revealed that Boulevard’s Saison Brett actually contains no Brettanomyces. #georgebrett
    -Three Floyd’s adds their second cousin, twice removed, also named Floyd for perfect symmetry.
    -The Bruery finally realizes they’ve been spelling their name wrong for all these years and switches to “Teh Brewery.”
    -Carlsberg launches a new beer for women and fancy men.

    • May 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      That last one has me worried, Zac!

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      Actually I didn’t create the graphic, I found it. I’m a much better hunter gatherer than a creative type. For the Budweiser Barrel aging program, I would add that they partnered with Costco to use old Kirkland Bourbon barrels.

  5. The Wookie
    May 24, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    They bring back “Miller Clear” from the 90’s and this time everyone loves it.

    • May 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

      Carlsberg just got pretty close, Wookie…

      • The Wookie
        May 24, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

        Yes they did …. I think they are just relabeling old stock of Zima.

        That Carlsberg crap looks like they are trying to create a whole new market …. “The Beercooler” …. think what happened with wine and winecoolers in the 80s. Next we’ll have Bartels and Jaymes IPA lite …. the HORROR!

        • Don
          May 24, 2011 at 4:03 pm #

          Hello!??? Ever heard of Four Loco?

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      Yuck!

  6. May 24, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    I think that graphic might be a sign of the beerpocalyse, Don. 😦

    • johnking82
      May 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      i think its quite clever! The swimsuit over the “OO” is great. Way to bring back Spuds!

      • May 24, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

        Don’t encourage him!!!

        • johnking82
          May 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

          don’t feed the bears!!!

          Think we could raise enough money for Don to don a bear costume and attend a Furry Convention?

        • Don
          May 24, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

          I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t need a costume.

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

      Only if I had actually made it myself, but I found it.

  7. May 24, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    “Sam Calgione producing a collaboration brew with Miller/Coors”

    My FIRST thought!!!

    • May 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

      They could cal it 2 Minute IPA!

      • The Wookie
        May 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

        Can’t use 2 Minute IPA …. That’s my wife’s nickname for me!

        • Don
          May 24, 2011 at 4:02 pm #

          My wife said she would nick name me after a beer, but that they hadn’t made 240 minute IPA yet! 😉

        • The Wookie
          May 24, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

          The 3 hours and 59 minutes of begging doesn’t count!!!

        • Don
          May 24, 2011 at 9:15 pm #

          It does too count! She calls that foreplay. :}

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

      Great minds Randy!

  8. May 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    Chimay decides to brew a light American style pilsner

  9. May 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    A Dark Lord Day went by and no beer drinkers complained about the set-up of the event OR said that this year’s version of DL isn’t as good as years past.

    Will. Never. Happen.

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:11 pm #

      Or, Craft beer drinkers wise up and realize that events like DLD and Black Tuesday are a sham and don’t show up… 😉

      • May 24, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

        Come on now Don. The biggest draw of DLD to me is all the trading/tastings that go on around the event. That alone makes it worth the trip.

        • Don
          May 24, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

          Maybe I’m jealous, or maybe there is a modicum of truth to what I say, or maybe a bit of both. 😉

  10. May 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    A pub with no beer.

    • Don
      May 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

      Sad days indeed. 😦

  11. May 25, 2011 at 9:09 am #

    8 oz becomes the standard canning size.

    • Don
      May 25, 2011 at 9:57 am #

      Sadness.

  12. May 25, 2011 at 9:11 am #

    – The three-tiered system is toppled, craft beer becomes affordable, frat boys start shotgunning ten fidy cans, and obesity becomes the number one killer on college campuses

    • Don
      May 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm #

      Wow, your Beermageddon has good and bad things. Perhaps we can topple the three tier system before the end of the world… That’d be good.

  13. May 25, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    If by Beermageddon you mean the worst possible thing that can happen, I offer the following, scary scenario. Miller/Coors merges with In Bev, creating a new company, CIM, which everyone pronounces as “Kim”, and starts only “brewing” lighter beers more “accessible” to the feminine market. The new mainstay labeled “Blue Moon Shock” is appropriately dyed blue. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, legislation is enacted getting rid of the three tier system allowing Kim to buy up distributors from coast to coast. Kim justifies this by saying the consumer will benefit by the complete control of brewing and delivery processes. Makes me shudder just writing this down. 🙂

    • Don
      May 25, 2011 at 9:56 am #

      Whoa, Will! You ought to write science fiction novels. CIM reminds me of HAL, YIKES!

    • May 25, 2011 at 10:43 am #

      Wow Will, that is frightening indeed, I am scared just thinking about it.

    • May 27, 2011 at 9:40 am #

      CIM will send cyborgs back in time to kill the mothers of Jim Koch, Sam Calagione, and Charlie Papazian, thereby defeating the leaders craft beer resistance before they are even born.

      • Don
        May 27, 2011 at 9:52 am #

        As long as they don’t kill Michael Jackson’s mom we should be ok.

      • May 27, 2011 at 10:57 am #

        Luckily big beer is so out of touch with craft beer culture that they end up looking for somebody named “Sarah Conner.” 🙂

  14. May 25, 2011 at 11:31 am #

    I share a few of the same thought… except the IPA I am concerned about is Hop Knot IPA from Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe, AZ… not sure how I feel about my favorite IPA going to cans?

    Jorge
    How To Brew Beer

    • Don
      May 25, 2011 at 11:37 am #

      You’ll love it Jorge! Beer in Cans is the wave of the future, and it really tastes great and is much easier to take places. Don’t fear the can!

      • May 25, 2011 at 11:46 am #

        I’m not disregarding it for now… I do see the pros like being able to take cans other places, etc…

        Although I do fear my wallet buying lots of six packs so I can enjoy more of them at home…

  15. May 26, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    Don, perhaps you’ve seen photos of my Beermageddon pint glass and ripped it off.

    http://www.beermageddon.com

    You’re welcome to come. You’ll be an esteemed guest of mine.

    • Don
      May 27, 2011 at 9:49 am #

      Looks like a fun party Daniel. Unfortunately, I’ll be in Vegas that weekend. I’ll think of you fondly.

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