We all have that crazy friend, the one that talks too loud at the bar and swears too much in front of our mom. Well, this blog has such a friend, and his name is Daniel. To quote “A Christmas Story,” Daniel works in profanity the way other artists work in oil or clay. And he’s hilarious.
When Daniel offered to do a guest review, we were excited, because as raunchy as he can be, we love his stuff. But then I got his review this morning and saw he swung for the fences in the way only Daniel can. So I’m in a bind.
You see, Don and I try to keep this site squeaky clean, as swearing just doesn’t feel right to us. It’s an unwritten rule that we don’t use bad language, even if we (really I) use it all the time in real life. Anyway, I’m not sure you guys are cool with the site going a deep shade of blue, so I’ve chickened out a bit.
Below you’ll find Daniel’s review of Sam Adam’s Infinium with all the nasty parts redacted. I know, I’m being a baby. But if you’re cool with salty language and funny but raunchy sexual references, Click here to view a lovely JPEG of Daniel’s review with all the nasty parts left in. If you like what you read, you can find more of Daniel’s stuff at www.itsaf@%kingbeer.com.
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Daniel’s Review of Sam Adam’s Infinium
More like Infini-Yum, am I f@%king right?
I’m really not quite sure what the f@%k to make of this beer. On one hand, it reminds me of champagne, stuffed with meat. On the other hand, it’s a little like a meat cup, filled with champagne. Thick, ####-fu@%ing bubbly – yeah, that’s it.
When he’s not making us blush on our site, Daniel writes hilarious, profanity-laden beer reviews at http://www.itsaf@%kingbeer.com.
Just as there have been some excellent combinations of things in the past (peanut butter and chocolate, Ebony and Ivory, Bill and Ted, ##### and #######), there have also been awful ones (champagne and malty beer, church and state, ##### and pencil sharpeners, braces and ########). Stick to what you know, Jim Koch.
Maybe the most important thing to discuss about this beer is the price point – it’s way f@%king cheaper by volume than Brewdog’s End of History. And almost as attention-whoring.
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Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
I’m not sure…does he like this beer or not?
It is kind of hard to tell Rob, I agree. But I think reading through the tea leaves, Daniel might like the beer, but not the idea of the beer? But I could be totally wrong, and probably am.
Daniel’s reviews are like punk songs. Quick, raucous, profane and sometimes a little unfocused.
I think Don is right.
I’m f#@king adding this to my mother-f#@king RSS Reader, bitches, right the f#@k now!
Ha ha – that’s the spirit, Zac!
I don’t think he liked it. He put champagne and malty beer in the “awful combinations” category. This is how I feel about Dogfish Head’s Midas Touch. It’s basically a malty dessert wine… hard to really enjoy it. That being said I have my bottle of Infinium reserved at BevMo for the 16th.
I’m excited to try Infinium too. I like meat. I like champagne. Meatpagne? Sign me up!
I had the “America” song from “Team America: World Police” playing in my head after the first two sentences. “Ameeeerica, F#@k YEAH!”
Your censored version of Daniel’s review left it up to my filthy mind to fill in the blanks. Reading the unedited version afterward kind of paled in comparison!
I’m keen to try this as well. And I think Daniel may have been referring to Champale (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Champale) when discussing his awful combos, but I’m probably wrong! Kudos to Daniel for giving us all something to puzzle over. It’s like a beery, profane version of the Dead Sea scrolls.
Ha ha – dead sea scrolls indeed!
I was hoping it’d be fun reading the redacted version. Kind of like an adult version of MadLibs where you find out just how filthy your mind really is.
Ha! I love MadLibs… and you don’t need an adult version to end up with something dirty in my circle of friends! That being said, I also loved the ambiguity of his review… Is it good? Is is s#!t-on-a-cracker? Who knows? Now we all have to try it for ourselves. Nicely done.
Well, when he compares it to ##### and ###### it’s pretty clear! 🙂
Who puts salt on a cracker? There’s already enough salt on there.
Yeah, I figured the meat comparison would make things clear. Guess not. The “beer” f@%king blows dead bear. My buddy bought two bottles…now he has a Christmas gift for someone he doesn’t like. Sorry I fell into the trap I’ve been trying to avoid that’s a staple in beer writing – using flowery language and being vague about the actual verdict on the beer.
Or maybe I should offer a reading comprehension clinic..
🙂
Actually, out of the three of us who split the bottle, one said it was kind of like an ok barleywine somebody had lying around and decided to infuse with champagne. That was the best comment.
It looks like Koch did the flowery thing for you already. Here is the description from an article on Boston.com
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So what does Infinium taste like? We haven’t had a chance to try it yet, but Koch says it’s a deep golden, bubbly ale with a fruity aroma and contains 10.3 percent alcohol, more than twice that in a Sam Adams Boston Lager.
“The flavor idiom would be sort of in between a champagne, a dessert wine, and maybe a Sam Adams Noble Pils,” Koch said. “You get some of the body and mouthfeel of a beer, some of the hop character of a beer, but it’s very dry and acidic without being thin. And then it has some of the fruitiness — pear, apple, peach, apricot notes — of a dessert wine.”
He had me at idiom. *groan*
Right on with the mouthfeel and body of a beer, but mixed with the bubbly taste of champagne it was a bit funky. I let it warm and open a bit and it was a little better, but I couldn’t get past thinking of thick champagne.
In ALL of English Literature, there’s only ONE example of the word “Idiom” being used properly
LAUNCELOT: Well taken, Concorde!
CONCORDE: Thank you, sir! Most kind.
LAUNCELOT: And again… Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big
one…Ooof! Come on, Concorde!
[thwonk]
CONCORDE: Message for you, sir.
[fwump]
LAUNCELOT: Concorde! Concorde, speak to me! “To whoever finds this
note, I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry
against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am
in the tall tower of Swamp Castle.” At last! A call, a cry of
distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail!
Brave, brave Concorde! You shall not have died in vain!
CONCORDE: Uh, I’m-I’m not quite dead, sir.
LAUNCELOT: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!
CONCORDE: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir.
LAUNCELOT: Oh, I see.
CONCORDE: Actually, I think I’m all right to come with you–
LAUNCELOT: No, no, sweet Concorde! Stay here! I will send help as
soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own
particular… (sigh)
CONCORDE: Idiom, sir?
LAUNCELOT: Idiom!
CONCORDE: No, I feel fine, actually, sir.
LAUNCELOT: Farewell, sweet Concorde!
CONCORDE: I’ll-uh, I’ll just stay here, then, shall I, sir? Yeah.
Okay, maybe two … but they’re REAL close together
Love it!
And all it makes me think is, “I want to sing…”
I think the O-face you’re giving us in your picture threw me off. So . . . blowing dead bears is a bad thing, right?
The “O” face is part of an animated gif (Daniel’s famous for these – just ask his buddies):
And, for the record, I recommend NOT blowing dead bears.
Oh man that just made my day! A good laugh could not have come at a better time for me today! Thanks for the review and the gif! 🙂
Yeah, both are fun, but the gif is fun AND disturbing, which is even better.
There are no words for that .gif.
Yes, that gif paints a thousand words x however many frames there are!
I for one am a huge fan of what I like to call “sentence enhancers”! Great review!
WE are too when we speak, but when you write it down, it is out there forever!
Well I think just about each sentence was “enhanced” there, some multiple times!
The funny thing… This review it just made me want to try it more.
I don’t have any clue what to expect, I am not sure if I will love it or hate it, but I am,
d@mn (<–you see what I did there) sure I want to try it.
I’m in the same boat. I think “what does a meat beer taste like, anyway?” I think everyone is gonna give it a shot. But I’m gonna try and get a couple so I can try it before New Years. I’d hate to pass out meat wine and have folks gag!
love the review and the photo is disturbing. Instead of Infinium Im going to go get another botlle of Goose BCS Rare as my local Liqour store has one on reserve for me and they just called.
Good Call John! I might put a little age on the one you are sending, but I might just find myself uncontrollably opening it and having that once in a lifetime experience! At least for that brew!
Ol’ Sammy thinking giving us a beer with a vagina…..? Plenty of men like vagina! I think this is an exciting movement in craft beer because its giving beer lovers something to toast with on New Years. I also like the retro feel of following the German purity laws.
Ha! Love it Katie!
I agree and can’t wait to try it.
And Daniel is just excited to talk about vaginas! 😉
Vaginas. That is maybe my favorite image when describing a beer. Just sayin’.
Better to eat than drink.
I saw this beer the other day, and thought about buying it. But something about it scared me off (not sure what). Daniel’s review (which I agree is ambiguous) has made me decide to buy it for the holidays, to share with the two young men who (it seems) will one day be my sons-in-law.
I think it’ll be fun to pop one open on New Years and plan on doing the same, Manny.
And I have to say, sharing an Infinium has to earn you some “cool” points with the fellas. Hope you all have a happy and safe New Years.
My wife and I are a fan of this brew. For the record, she is very hard to please in the beer category as am I in whiskey. It was crisp, good hops ratio and not too heavy an aftertaste. Just watch your step when you stand up after a couple of glasses. The alcohol content caught us off-guard. Thumbs up!
I liked it too Robert. Here is my review of this beer. I hope they make it again for the 2012 new year. https://beerandwhiskeybros.com/2011/01/03/sam-adams-infinium-a-better-way-to-ring-in-the-new-year/
I had one on Saturday night and really enjoyed it. It didn’t blow me away (and probably isn’t worth $20), but it was a tasty, well made beer. If you didn’t read the label, there’s no way you’d know it has an ABV over 10%.
Just popped a bottle of Infinium, damn good beer sir, damn good