Meet the world’s most transparent sellouts, Chris Hodges and Jamie Case. These two winners “spontaneously” decided to travel the country in a Ford Fusion as part of their efforts to get married without it costing them a fortune. Of course they are blogging all the way, singing Americana-laced praises of Ford from coast to coast. This is obviously a poorly veiled attempt by the PR wizards at Ford to get some “viral” publicity (which sadly seems to be working right here).
The icing on the cake is that these two geniuses just couldn’t decide on whose last name the couple should take, so they decided to forsake their fore-bearers and pluck a new one out of the air. Oh, what could it be? Chris and Jamie Awesome? No that might be just a little too awesome. How ’bout Chris and Jamie Kardashian? Nooo, too glitzy. I know, they sold their holy matrimony to Ford, how about their surname, too? That’s it! Chris and Jamie Ford! And that’s just what they did. Pathetic.
It makes me kind of ill to see poorly executed marketing stunts like this. But it also got me to thinking, what beer would I sell my last name to if I we’re hocking my legacy?
Well, to begin with, it would have to be a brewery that makes many excellent beers, like Troegs, or Long Trail, or Heavy Seas. But it would also have to be something that sounded cool. Dogfish makes great beer, but I’m pretty sure I would grow tired of all the snickers and awkward moments. Stone might be good, as Jim Stone sounds like a square-jawed private eye. Or even Jimmy Chimay, cause of the whole rhyming thing. Naw, too chimichanga-sounding. I think I can do better.
One of my very favorite breweries in the universe is a little outfit from Pennsylvania that makes some of the best beers I’ve ever experienced. I haven’t been there yet, but it’s on the life’s to do list. And they make my favorite brew – Storm King Stout. That’s right folks, if I’m changing my name, it’s in the name of Victory. Jim Victory. Or maybe J.C. Victory. Now THAT’S a last name.
What would you choose?
Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
Since I am the whiskey guy I was thinking of some distillery names. How about Don Knob, nah too close to door knob or Don Knotts take your pick. What about Don Turkey, too lame, and close to Tom Turkey which would keep me looking over my shoulder in November. I got it, Don Daniels. Unfortunately there is a Porn star with the same last name, wouldn’t want people getting us confused. How about Don Beam, again sounds like a porn stars’ name. Then there’s Don Booker, sounds like booger, or Don Baker, Joe Don might not like someone taking his name in vein. What about Don Basil Haden, that just sounds creapy. I got it…Don Buffalo! Sounds cool and descriptive…
I think you nailed it with Don Knob!
Piss off, Jim!
This is a pretty funny post – I’ll have to mill it about. What would you suggest for Scott? (Porno names are fine.)
Scott Schlitz? (70’s porn mustache implied)