Do YOU want to make $64,000 for a batch of home brewed beer? Sure, we all do!
But HOW, you ask, will I become WEALTHY and ATTRACTIVE by brewing beer in my spare time?
Well, you’ve come to the right place for the answer!
For the low-low price of $19.99, Jimco Industries will reveal the secrets of how YOU can make THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS* each and every day brewing delicious, nutritious† craft beer!
Here’s a peek at the THREE SIMPLE STEPS of Jimco Industries’ patented money-making‡ program:
STEP ONE: Buy some homebrewing equipment and this recipe kit. Don’t have homebrewing equipment? And you don’t trust your credit card information to homebrew suppliers with strange facial hair? Well you’re in luck! The clean cut folks at Jimco Industries will sell you our EXCLUSIVE $64,000 Beer Brewing kit for three easy installments of $99.99! You’ll get a genuine plastic carboy, some premium vinyl tubing, and everything else you need to start making THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS* in your own driveway!§
STEP TWO: Become the President of the United States
STEP THREE: Sell your homebrewed beer at auction for thousands of dollars!
It’s THAT simple!
Sound too good to be true? Well just ask Brad Magerkurth, who sold one twelve ounce bottle of White House Honey Porter for $1,200 at auction. That’s $100 an ounce, or $12,800 a gallon, or $64,000 FOR A SINGLE FIVE GALLON BATCH OF BEER!
Brad just happened to receive his bottle of the beer from President Obama on a campaign stop, but HIS lack of presidential credentials shouldn’t stop YOU from making a mint! Imagine the THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars you’ll make when you’re the president, a brewer, AND a seller too! It’s like a license to print money without having to deal with the Federal Reserve!
Brad gave his money to charity, but if you’re like us at Jimco Industries, the charity you like donating to is YOUR OWN CHECKING ACCOUNT! Think of what those thousands could bring – a new car, a surgically enhanced wife, that boat you always wanted, and heck – even a harem of strippers!
BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE!! Order now, and we’ll also include our How to Sell Photos of Your Baby for Millions of Dollars kit, another easy-to-follow program that will let you get rich by simply exploiting your OWN KIDS! What could be easier than that?! This kit includes everything you need to get started, including a list of paparazzi photo agencies and a step-by-step guide on how to become Kim Kardashan and get knocked up by Kanye West!
Supplies are limited, so don’t wait. Pick up the phone and call 1-888-BAD-IDEA RIGHT NOW and you’ll be on your way to financial freedom in no time! That’s 1-888-BAD-IDEA. 1-888-BAD-IDEA. Start living large TODAY!
* results not guaranteed
† These statement not evaluated by the FDA
‡ By money-making, we mean Jimco industries will be making money, not you
§ Brew Kettle not included, but can be purchased separately for ten easy payments of $49.99
Offer is not valid in cities, states and countries that are subject to the rule of law, or anywhere outside of Somalia. All claims offers or guarantees featured above are fictitious, and if you didn’t figure that out by the fourth paragraph you should avoid operating heavy machinery, driving a motor vehicle and procreation (especially procreation). Jimco Industries is a registered trademark of Why Are You Still Reading This? Incorporated, a Warlord International subsidiary. All rights reserved.
Beer & Whiskey Brothers 
There’s hope yet for that carboy taking up in your shower. Procrastination does pay.
taking up room in your shower. that is.
Yes, now all I have to do is go to law school, get elected to the senate, secure my party’s nomination and beat the other guy. I can taste the Benjamin’s already!
So, did you have more fun writing this or coming up with the graphic ?!? 🙂
It’s a toss up really. Both were a sleazy good time!
I love the brew kettle with the presidential seal. Someone should make him one of those.
I’m sure it’d get a lot of use… 🙂
Grooooannnn, I can tell that you’re in advertising.
BTW: now you’ve done it–somebody is bound to come up w/ a brew kettle/kit embossed w/ the Presidential seal.
What’s that you say? You doubt it?
Somebody’s now making mountain oyster beer aren’t they? Somebody else’s selling beer connected to fantasy characters aren’t they? And where did we first hear of these outlandish ideas? B&WB Blog, thats where–Jimco indeed!
(Do me a favor and don’t write an article about compost pile beer–okay, are you listening?)
Compost pile beer you say? TELL ME MORE!!
Haha this was seriously awesome to read!