One-Handed Beer Football Needs its Own League

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What you see above is a game of one-handed Pabst Blue Ribbon football.  The rules are simple: you always MUST have a beer in your hand (and if you drop, you gotta chug), tackles are made by one-handed touch, and the first team to 70 points wins.

It’s been played by a group of friends from Emerson, Iowa on every Thanksgiving Day for the past 10 years, a fun way to reconnect with each other and have their own unique tradition.

But it shouldn’t be unique – it should be an entire professional league, if only for the sponsorship opportunities. The PBR Farmers from Emerson would obviously be one of the league’s founding teams, but there’s tons of room for growth. 

Dale’s Destroyers would hit you like a sackful of hops.  The Bud Bruisers would be a lot like the Dallas Cowboys of old, outspending everyone in order to get the best players, and they’d have the finest practice facilities. They’d constantly be running up against the 21st-ers – that band of bitter Americans from the Bay Area – for a shot at the title.  Of course the Sixpoint Sentinels would tower over the competition like the tall boys they are, owning the East, at least until the Ashville Expatriates (a mixed sixer of brands from other areas) rise to become a dominant force for years to come.

We NEED TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

In the meantime, let us know what team you’d be rooting for in the comments.  Does Surly sell their stuff in cans?  Because Minnesota needs a franchise!

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Categories: Beer, Lifestyle, News

Author:Jim

Craft beer nerd, frequent beer blogger and occasional home brewer.

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6 Comments on “One-Handed Beer Football Needs its Own League”

  1. November 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    Sign me up! I already use the “always have a beer in hand” rule whenever I play yard games. This just takes it to another level.

    • November 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

      I was thinking about posting a piece about professional one-handed beer Yard Jarts, but this won out instead… :)

      On Fri, Nov 30, 2012 at 3:35 PM, Beer & Whiskey Bros.

  2. tallfellapgh
    December 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm #

    I’ve never seen a bowler without a beer nearby. There has got to be a way to make this work for a bowling league…

    Maybe mopping your spills with your butt?

  3. ScottG
    December 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Wait a sec. Asheville, NC doesn’t need any one else’s breweries. There are about a dozen craft breweries of various sizes located in or near Asheville. A mix of beers FROM Asheville would be much more appropriate.
    Unless, of course there’s an Ashville somewhere else you were referring to and I’m an ash-hole.

    • December 3, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

      I was talking about OB, SN, NB all making Asheville their home.

      • ScottG
        December 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

        Yeah, I saw that all those companies were setting up brewing operations in Asheville after I commented and was looking into Asheville’s own breweries . But I’d still argue that it’s Asheville’s homegrown craft brew scene that drew the bigger companies there in the first place. And it’s that brewing tradition that should be acknowledged in a mascot, not the carpet-baggers. Even if they do have tasty, delicious carpet.

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