It’s weird to think that a country as established as America doesn’t have its own official thing to say as we raise our glasses, but that seems to be the case. “Cheers” is British, “Salud”/”Salute” is Mexican/Italian, “Prost” is German, and “Slainte” is Irish.
But now there’s a (weak) movement afoot to correct this and create an all-American toast. The Toast of America is an online campaign created by an ad agency in Portland, Maine, aimed at deciding once and for all what us Yanks should say as we clink vessels.
Problem is, the whole thing is floundering a bit. They’ve been hustling for attention since July 4th, but only have 175 Facebook likes, and one of them is me. If you’re judged by the company you keep, then these guys are doomed!
The voting was supposed to be over last week, but there was some kind of tie, so there’s a vote-off happening now. Unfortunately, they’ve only mustered 30 votes since last Monday.
I think the root of the problem is the finalists are kind of lame:
- “To Us All!” leads with 15 votes (aren’t we narcissistic?)
- “Oorah” is next with 8 votes (I’m a little Marine!!)
- “Onward!” is in last place with 7 votes (why not just say “get over it!”?)
What we need is a toast that reflects what we love as Americans. I have a few suggestions:
“Wal*Mart!” This is a great toast, because many people bought their cheap hooch here in the first place. Plus maybe we can work something out where we get an extra special discount if we mention them during our toasts, making Wal*Mart the Official Sponsor of Overindulgence or something.
“Boobs!” As someone who has the Internet and doesn’t believe in Google SafeSearch, I know that these are quite popular. Why not commemorate them every time we hoist a drink, especially because most guys are probably already thinking of them or scheming up a way to touch some (possibly those of their toastmates)? The ladies can celebrate boobs as well, if only to reaffirm the power their physical form holds over our 13-year-old-boy minds.
“Bacon!” We all know that bacon makes everything better, so why not toasting occasions as well? The only issue I have with this one is it’ll make me want bacon, and if there isn’t any available, I’ll probably be sad. But still, bacon!
“Violence!” If cheap merchandise, sex and fatty foods are all contenders here, we can’t leave out our national pastime. Violence is all over our sports, our video games, and our media, so why not make it center stage when we’re celebrating with friends? Plus, drinking often leads to violence, so why fight it? As an added bonus, the word itself is quite lyrical when you detach the meaning from it, so non-English speakers will probably think we’re cultured.
Those are my suggestions, but I know you boys and girls might have a few of your own, so lay them on us in the comments.
A special thanks to Will over at the excellent Brew-Trek for letting us know about Toast of America.