If pop culture has taught us anything, it’s that pretty people always win and the zombie apocalypse is inevitable. The rules of zombie behavior have been well established (most recently by AMC’s The Walking Dead) and survival guides are everywhere.
But what these guides fail to mention is how to survive in style, most notably, which beers to stock up on for when the zombie apocalypse is upon us. And sooner or later it WILL be upon us.
I have selected five beers for the zombie apocalypse, chosen primarily because they are some of my favorites, but variety also played a role in their selection. You gotta mix it up, right?
I think I’ll do just fine when the cry for “braaaaiins!” begins, as my favorite beers are pretty well suited for the end of humanity as we know it:
1. Schlafly’s Reserve Imperial Stout (2008 if possible): This is on the top of the list because it’s my favorite beer in the world right now. With a full, rich flavor and smooth Bourbon sweetness, it’s a perfect way to unwind after a day of foraging for food and batteries. It’s also a good choice for the end of days because it will age very well. If I can’t get the 2008, the 2010 will have to do, but it lacks the smoothness of the older beer – those two years make a difference. Then again, I’ll have nothing but time on my hands, so I can wait for the 2010 to find its bloom.
2. Dale’s Pale Ale: I know there are better IPA’s and Pale Ales out there, but Dale’s has a special place in my heart. As the first canned beer I came across, it has become the flavor of carefree summers at the lake and relaxing hikes in the woods. I might not be able to do those things with zombies wandering about (at least without a shotgun), but I can still get a taste of sweet freedom every time I pop open a can. And speaking of cans, they are the best way to store beers – air tight and no light – which is always important in a bunker-type situation.
3.Victory Prima Pils: Clubbing zombies and fighting off fellow human looters is thirsty work, and sometimes you need a crisp and refreshing brew to cool you down. For me, this beer is Victory’s excellent Prima Pils, a beer which manages to provide lots of flavor and complexity without weighing you down. If it’s great after mowing the lawn, I imagine it’ll be even better after mowing down the undead.
4. 21st Amendment Back in Black IPA: This is a beer I just discovered, but I knew after the first sip it was one for the bunker. Back in Black manages to mash up the good qualities of the three beers above while maintaining its own delicious identity. First off, it’s dark like the Schlafly’s Reserve Imperial Stout and provides a very satisfying smoky flavor. But like the Prima Pils, it’s light and refreshing, and with an ABV of 6.8% it won’t interfere with your ability to sight up a rifle. Plus, like Dale’s, it comes in a can, which makes it perfectly portable for those times when the perimeter is breached and it’s time to bug out. If there’s one beer you bring along, it’s this one, as it does so many things so well.
5. New Glarus Enigma: Yes a sour beer has made it into the bunker, but this one’s special. Style aside, Enigma is simply delicious; a sour brown ale brewed with cherries and aged in oak. It’s a sour that doesn’t punish the senses, it tantalizes them, with tart cherries and smooth oak flavors working in harmony to create a satisfying and truly unique drinking experience. After all, a fella can only drink so many imperial stouts (or so I’ve heard – it hasn’t happened to me yet), so this beer is a lovely change of pace in the post-apocalyptic rat race.
No one is looking forward to the pending zombie onslaught, but the beers above will certainly make Armageddon a little more enjoyable. After all, can you really consider it “surviving” without good beer?
What five brews would you choose to hunker down with?